My life has changed in the past year in really monumental ways…for those who don't know, I became a stepmother which is a pretty dramatic change from my unencumbered single past. I'm reminded each day about what I learned back in grade school, which now seems like a lifetime ago (not to sound old, but…). My youngest stepdaughter is growing up and learning about the complexities of relationships: the jealousy, hurt, confusion that comes along with friendships.

It seems natural to assume: my friends like me, I like them. Why is it that we can hurt each other, too? It's not fair. It seems that some of those basic hurts and jealousies we experienced in school continue throughout our lives – we say harsh words to one another, we do unkind things, we regret our choices, we neglect or betray our friends when it suits us. I wish that these old wounds wouldn't keep popping up. But I still do things wrong.

I wish I was enlightened enough to hold my tongue sometimes, or say exactly what needs to be said at others. And now I'm explaining to a twelve-year-old that sometimes these things happen. And they suck. And there's no really good explanation why a friend might say something hurtful or make fun of you. And why it's so hard to admit when something is our fault and to apologize. Because in the end, it's not about what other people do to hurt us.

This kind of thing is going to happen over and over again in life. The real question is: then what do you do? Do you react in anger, do you turn the other cheek, do you stand up for yourself, or do you put down your friend? What? The only thing we control in our lives is our own thoughts and actions. These are also the things that shape us. While a twelve-year-old isn't going to get it now, hopefully some of these thoughts will sink in later.